Perfectionism: A Blessing & Curse

Being a perfectionist is both a blessing and a curse. From one perspective, the tremendous effort you put into everything results in many accomplishments and personal satisfaction. However, you are also susceptible to adopting an unhealthy mindset of needing everything to be the best that it can be; making even one mistake or misstep can make you feel as if your whole world is crushed.

I’m one of those people who tries to achieve perfection in almost every aspect of life, whether it’s school, sports, music, and character. I remember all those times when something didn’t go the way I intended it to, and I was left feeling immense disappointment, frustration, and emptiness. When I was younger, I was clueless about perfectionism. Instead, I thought I was just an ultra-competitive try-hard person because of my desire to be number one. I wasn’t even concerned about how this way of living negatively impacted my mental and emotional health. Luckily, age came with wisdom and I finally became concerned about why stuff such as not getting a perfect score on a test, losing a game/tournament in sports, or not performing well at a practice blew me over the edge. I felt as if there was something seriously wrong with me. Looking back at this now, I feel deep regret and shame for constantly comparing myself to others and trying desperately to one-up others. It’s just a toxic lifestyle and it will never make you happy.

However, identifying and accepting the problem was just one battle out of the entire war. Even to this day, I struggle with feelings and emotions that arise from not achieving the unrealistic and overbearing expectations I set for myself, as well as making mistakes. Over the past two weeks, certain events made me reevaluate who I am as a person. My lifestyle of trying to do everything right and being the best person I can be exploded in my face. I fell into this state of thinking I was bad and severely flawed when in reality, I’m just like any other human being. This taught me that I’m nowhere near perfect and never will be. I can try as much as I like, but it’s truly impossible. I also learned that my perfectionism is a force of good and bad in my life. While it makes me work hard and try to be good, it also creates a powerful negative mindset that can break me down when I make mistakes and missteps. I revealed the dark side of perfectionism when I felt like I was a bad person who only causes pain to those around him. These dark thoughts about myself shed a light on the extreme extent to which perfectionism can ruin your life. My struggle with perfectionism is still ongoing, but I did learn that no matter how hard I try to be on top of the world, I will always encounter something that will knock me down over and over again—that’s just how life works.