Week One of Online School: A Breakdown

Today’s post is different…for those of you who have been reading since the beginning, you’re probably familiar with my specific structure and voice. But this time, I’m trying something new, so bear with me.

Seven days ago, I started my junior year of high school online. Before the new year began, I was feeling a combination of excitement, enthusiasm, determination, curiosity, and nervousness. While I was ready to get back into the school mode, I also was anxious for what was to come. I didn’t know exactly what it would look like, or what to expect. Never in our lives have we had a first day of school where everything was on the computer. Just think about that… every year we have started school the same way… but not this time. This was the one time when things didn’t end up the way we expected them to. 

In all honesty, the first couple days went completely fine. Literally, that’s the best I can describe it. Nothing crazy happened, it just had an introduction/welcome feel to it. However, even though it was fine, I was left feeling weird, a little upset, and VERY drained. I felt weird because it was a whole new experience. I also felt a little upset because there's one class I really wish was in person. And finally, ONLINE SCHOOL FEELS SO DRAINING (who can relate)! I did not expect to be wiped from doing school at home, in my room, while sitting on the computer for 5 ⅓ hours. Personally, the transition for this year has felt like the hardest yet because last year was disrupted by Covid-19, and then summer rolled through, and now BOOM! We’re finally back, but online! I can’t say this for everyone, but when you’ve had the same schedule for months and months and then suddenly you have six hours of school, it definitely will take some getting used to. And that’s okay. Let me say it again. That’s okay. 

I can’t even imagine how this must be for all the teachers. I’m so grateful for everything teachers are doing right now. They worked all summer to prepare for this and they’re doing their absolute best to help us feel comfortable and connected. The fact that they truly care just means everything. I want to express my utmost gratitude to all the teachers because without their kindness, support, flexibility, and caring, everything would be much worse. Thank you so much for everything! Students, let’s make sure we give back and be extremely grateful for everything teachers are doing for us. We’re all in this together: both students and teachers. So let’s do our part by being respectful, engaged in the class, and giving our sincere gratitude for all these heroes because they make this experience a thousand times brighter. 

Something that I think everyone needs to do is select a word that will guide you through this school year. This was something we did in my English class, and it helped establish my intentions for this year. The word that I chose was “perseverance.” I said that if I continuously work hard, try to improve, and do my best to overcome any challenges, then I will evolve as a person and be grateful for this new phase of our lives. “Perseverance” is something that truly touches my heart because there have been many moments where I’ve really struggled to accomplish something, but because I kept pushing myself and worked through the failure, I eventually overcame the obstacle. Another thing I want to mention is joy, which is a sudden burst or momentary experience of overwhelming positivity. In my class, we watched a fascinating Ted-Talk called, “Where Joy Hides and How to Find It,” and it relates to our current situation of doing school online because our environment and what’s around us can impact our ability to find joy in the present moment. Even though the feeling of joy seems complex, we can find it by paying attention to “aesthetics,” which is a word that comes from the same root as the Greek “aísthomai,” which means, “I feel,” “I sense,” “I perceive.” By paying attention to little things such as the smell of a warm beverage, the aroma of baked goodies, and all the nature that’s around us, we can find joy all throughout the day. 

We no longer live in a world that’s predictable. A lot has changed and things seem different than ever before. If you find yourself feeling confused, lost, or disbalanced, it’s okay. That’s an inevitable part of change. Obviously, it’s not easy to deal with those feelings, which is why you have to accept that for some time, things are going to seem off and weird and difficult. However, this gives us the chance to learn a very important lesson, which is to be willing to move into the very uncomfortable place of uncertainty. We can’t find newness without first being stuck and confused. I feel like I should have an endless number of suggestions, ideas, or tips on what’s the best thing to do, but the truth is I don’t. I’m very much in this state of confusion and not knowing exactly how to work everything out. But that shouldn’t stop me from trying to be creative and rediscover what will help me. Lastly, we should not have to struggle with this alone. As a community, we have to prioritize caring and support everyone. We are all in this together… so let’s work together, listen to each other, treat each other with respect, and develop deep connections. I know that in the end, we will look back at this time and realize that we wouldn’t be where we are today without going through the struggles and challenges of this new phase of our lives.