The Final Stretch

It has been a rollercoaster of a year. From an unusual fall, to a rocky winter, and now an accelerating spring, the end of the year is finally dawning. As we head into this final stretch, I took the time to reflect on myself, and arrived at an ugly truth.

Everything I’ve done this year has stemmed from one goal: get good grades so I can get into the college I want. I knew that junior year carried great weight for my future. That’s why I had to do everything in my power to succeed. I couldn’t let one failure erase all the years of hard work. With this mentality, I pushed myself harder than ever. I put my best effort into every assignment, I studied hours long for every assessment, I stayed on top of all my work, I did all of this to ensure that successful future. But at some point, my drive started to fade away. The determination that led me in the beginning of the year was suddenly replaced by a loss of motivation. 

It was during this time that I became increasingly frustrated with everything. I hated that no matter how much I exhausted myself, everything kept getting piled on me. It was an uphill battle to keep going when I wanted everything to stop. It wasn’t until the end of February when I realized what the root of my problem was.

I became so consumed with school that I ended up losing myself. This whole time, I was so fixated on achieving success that I failed to realize how I’ve been slowly ripping away my identity.

It all came to a breaking point when one day, I had finished playing my instrument, and for the first time, I was left feeling nothing. No passion. No joy. It was this moment that marked the turning point. 

It wasn’t until March that I got a grip on myself. For my health, I am starting exercise again, doing daily meditation, making room for hobbies, and spending time with family and friends. But to do that, I have to set boundaries with school. There’s no point in going through high school if I’m going to leave it completely broken down. That’s why I’m making the choice now before it’s too late.

Time to end junior year with some dignity.